#suffering archivos - The Resilient Human Project

Happiness – chasing it won’t make you happy

Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you; but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. – Henry Thoreau We have become confused about happiness and it is making us unhappy. Let me put it another way: it is not the purpose of your life to be happy. However, if you believe that it is and make being happy your objective, you will make yourself unhappy. Evolution has provided us with a basic guiding force, a drive that is shared by every sentient being: we naturally have an aversion to suffering and…

Forgiveness – what does it mean and how to forgive

The ability to forgive is a vital skill for your wellbeing. The greatest benefit of forgiveness accrues to the person doing the forgiving. This process of forgiveness is for you. When we are unable to forgive, we constantly relive (rather than simply remember) the wrong that was done to us. Each time this happens the body goes into survival mode. In other words we suffer an acute stress reaction. The cumulative effect of this reaction can be very dangerous. Studies carried out in Northern Ireland showed that those people who could not forgive and move on, were much more likely to suffer addiction, depression, anxiety and suicide, and were less…

Why meditate, what is the point?

When we ask that question we should ask ourselves the question, what is it that we want in our lives? The answers that pop into your head might include such things as more money, a romantic partner, a better job, greater material security. To my way of thinking, these describe form rather than essence. It is of course, nice to have these things, but they are all external and temporary; they come and go, giving a brief respite from “dukkha”, and can even be the cause of greater dissatisfaction. Dukkha is a Pali word used in Buddhism. In the west we have no direct translation of this word; the expression…

Compassion Vs Empathy

Something that we all have in common with each other is that we all would like to be free of suffering and experience happiness. In spite of these intentions and because of our ignorance, we create suffering in our lives. Compassion is not pity. It is related to empathy but it is different to empathy. Empathy is when we “feel with” a person. We feel in our own bodies their emotional suffering. Empathy is an important facet of our connection with others, but if we stop just with empathy without moving forwards to compassion, two important things can happen. Continued exposure to the suffering of others and empathising, for example…

The enraged badger

The ego wants always to be right. This characteristic of the rational mind, the compulsive need to be right, can become a lunatic living in your head, shouting crazy shit which, if you believe it, utterly fucks up your life. (excuse the swearing.) The lunatic lives in a special apartment in your brain. He takes away your peace. He makes you feel helpless and angry, over and over and over again. Here’s the thing; it was you who rented him the apartment in the first place. It happened when you chose grievance over forgiveness. When you had to be right and simply couldn’t let go! We all have experienced suffering.…

What is meditation for me?

Briefly: Meditation is about reducing suffering and the causes of suffering in my life and the life of others; also increasing happiness and the causes of happiness in my life and the life of others. In more detail: Meditation for me is the basis of emotional intelligence - also peace, health, happiness and having a meaningful life. A healthy mind means a happy heart. I learned that happiness and peace are always there within me; I just have to learn to get out of my own way to experience it. I experienced a difficult, chaotic, and abusive childhood. I have worked many workshops, therapies; all have been useful but the…

Your hairstyle or your mind?

Our culture prizes the illusory idea of personal autonomy. This severely limited perception and the behaviour it creates is making us unwell and destroying the planet. Many people have described the experience of life arising from this idea as the sense of “doing better, but feeling worse”. The very best thing that you could do for you, your family, the people close to you and everyone else on this earth is to train your mind and raise your consciousness - experience yourself as more than an insatiably hungry ego. The fundamental nature of ego is separation. Ego is also the root of most suffering. Most members of our society spend…

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