How to find the right partner – stop looking!

It is one of the most common reasons for coming to see us in Cantabria. “I am without a partner. I want to find the man/woman of my life.” Finding a partner and having children is hardwired into most of us. It can feel like a hunger or emptiness that we have to fill. “I still haven’t met anyone suitable and time is running out!” Our evolutionary mission is to survive and procreate. We are driven to make this happen. My experience is that this drive is usually stronger in women than men, although many men do experience something similar but usually later in life. When we are in this…

Relationships: enjoying yours whilst avoiding the pitfalls

Finding our “true love” and making a life with that person takes up an extraordinary amount of our time and energy. Here are 12 ideas to avoid making the most common mistakes: Most relationships end. So stop worrying and enjoy it here and now. You will at least take away great memories. If you waste your time worrying, you won’t even have those!Do not try to fix anyone… It is not in your power to do so. It will drive you and everyone else crazy. The question is this: Can you accept and be with that person just as they are right now?To be in a relationship is to be…

Thank you to my true love

We are in the 30th year of our relationship and the 29th year of our marriage.  It has been quite a ride.  I want to share with you some of the things I have learned and to say thank you to Rhea. When I met Rhea I was divorced, living alone. Rhea lived opposite with two little girls aged four and two. My previous marriage (which lasted four years was doomed from the beginning: two people in pain with very limited emotional and self-awareness, hoping that the other would fill the emotional hole. I had already spent some six years seeking truth, connection, peace and happiness. I had already “woken…

February 14th St. Valentine’s Day some advice for falling in love

“Love is merely a madness; and, I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and a whip as madmen do; and the reason why they are not so punish'd and cured is that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers are in love too.” William Shakespeare We humans desire this “madness” like nothing else. It is probable we will all fall in love at some time in our lives. We can all remember our first “true love” whether that was at junior school, high school or university. The deliciousness of it, the new all-consuming sensations, the euphoria, pain, happiness, stress, desire, awe, connection and sometimes all at the…

Kindness is contagious

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.  Lou Tzu My religion is kindness: Kindness to strangers, kindness to friends, Kindness to family, kindness to myself. It wasn’t always that way. Kindness is contagious. Even the smallest apparently insignificant act of kindness has great power to change. I know this both as giver and receiver. Kindness is contagious.  Don’t wait for someone to be kind to you before being kind back. Be brave. Be the change. Be kind first. Kindness doesn’t look for something in return. Kindness doesn’t need recognition. Kindness it is not ego food. Kindness is its own reward. We need…

Is your relationship toxic or healthy?
Post Apocalyptic Love

Is your relationship toxic or healthy?

A frequent topic of conversation in our residential resilience trainings is that of relationships. Most people want to find a partner, someone with whom they can share their lives. Many have experienced disappointment in relationships. Some have experienced real suffering. Others have experienced unhealthy relationships in which, although they have felt unhappy and mistreated, they have felt unable to get out of. Perhaps one of the saddest aspects is when a relationship has ended and the person wants me to help them with some trick or strategy to get that other person, that relationship back. This is normally an indicator of an unhealthy relationship. In a conversation with my youngest…