All attachment arises out of ignorance of the true nature of things. We are unable to see our true interconnection, the reality of inter-being. Instead, we suffer the persistent illusion of separation. This arises from the ego, a result of our “survival/procreate” biological imperative. With the arising of the ego we divide the world into “me, mine” and the rest. This is the world of opposites. This is clearly an illusion as if you think for just a moment, we can never stop being a part of everything; we can never truly become disconnected. But we can become so distracted that we forget.
Being without a sense of connection, a sense of being part of something bigger can easily leave us without sense, meaning or context for our lives. We see this all around in our society. Meaningfulness and context have been reduced to empty consumerism, empty because trying to fill that emptiness with more things simply leaves us feeling emptier. This in turn makes us more likely to use drugs or other extreme consumerist behaviour.
When we live from the position of ego then we relate to our lives from a mentality of scarcity. You do not have to look very far to see the horrific impact of this context/perception: destruction of the only planet we have, war, famine, greed, hate, violence. Everyone wants just a bit more. Many have no external context for their lives or if they do, it is window-dressing. Every religion has its rites and rituals. Unfortunately, many people who observe the rites, rituals and forms, simply to inflate his ego; they observe the forms whilst completely forgetting the essence. They confuse the clothes, style, rituals for holiness. So many have betrayed their beliefs; there are sexual and abuse scandals in all religions.
In terms of family, spouse, we too often confuse possession and love. Love put at its purest form is simply wanting the best for another. Sometimes you will have to accept that the person would be happier without you.
What can we do about this?
- Get the right context. Spend time contemplating the reality of connectedness of inter-being. Meditate beneath the stars, in the forest, the mountains, the sea. Connect with nature. Allow connection to become an experience instead of just an idea.
- Practice compassion in your daily life, in every interaction with another. In your heart and mind wish the other person the very best for their lives.
- Practice daily to develop equanimity.
Above all do this with an attitude of open curiosity, kindness to yourself and a sense of humour.
I wish you peace, health and happiness.